I recently attended a senior living conference session entitled, "LGBTQ+ Issues in Senior Living. I'll admit that I am exceedingly uneducated in this department, but I was drawn to it like flies on honey. I suppose the reason for my curiosity stemmed from the recent passing of my dear friend Susan. In my nearly 20-year career in senior living she and her wife were the only lesbian couple I had (*knowingly*) ever cared for. They've also taught me a great deal about love, devotion and following my passion.
A handful of us gathered in the session room and huddled into a circle. Circles are not something you always see in a conference setting, usually its rows of tables and chairs pointed to the front of the room waiting for the speaker to dazzle and inform you of some breakthrough in senior living. But a circle, now that invites conversation and collaboration, a circle puts individuals on equal group with equal voice. I was intrigued. So here comes the introductions around the circle.. who are you, what do you do...why did you choose to come to this session today? When it came my turn I had to be blatantly honest. My name is Jenni, I work with people living with dementia, and I'm here because I know that there are "issues" surrounding the older LBGTQ+ community and senior living, but I have no idea what those "issues" are.
There I said it.
Elders living with dementia have taught me a great deal about acceptance, resilience, and living as well as identity, growth, autonomy, security, connectedness, mean
ing, and joy to say the least. Here's where I got stuck. What does someone's sexual orientation have to do with wellbeing? What does who you chose to crawl in bed with at the end of the day matter to a senior living professional? What exactly are these "issues."
Here's where this beautiful, human, generous circle of devoted senior living professionals offered me an awakening. Here are a few of my takeaways:
1. LGBTQ+ elders have faced a lot in their lives that effect who they are in elderhood. They often have strained relationships with families who did not understand or accept them for who they are, they have faced physical and mental health disparities or have been fearful of seeking treatment due to the stress of systemic discrimination. Taking a trauma-informed care approach is something to be mindful of.
2. The vast majority (80%) of long-term care in this country is provided by family members. LGBTQ+ elders are twice as likely to be single and 3-4 times more likely to be without children than their heterosexual counterparts. At the same time, LGBTQ+ elders are often unwelcomed of left out of mainstream aging options. They face housing discrimination, legal barriers in taking care of loved ones in terms of visitation, medical decision-making and end-of-life decision making and the key safety net inequities are enough to make your head spin.
3. There are simple but profound individual things I can do to make a difference! Instead of starting a conversation with "tell me about your wife, husband, children, etc?", I can instead offer "who are the important people in your life?". Wow, what a difference!
4. I can be supportive of inclusivity and demonstrate this in big and small ways. I can plan PRIDE celebrations, offer support groups, place an object depicting a rainbow on my desk to invite them into a welcoming space. I can pledge to learn and use correct language when talking to and about the LGBTQ+ community, I can offer my preferred pronouns and include them on my nametag, business cards and professional correspondence. I can reach out to organizations like SAGE to grow my knowledge around service and advocacy for LGBTQ+ elders.
5. Circles are powerful things! They are built upon the idea that every member has something to contribute and that every member has something to learn. Seek out different perspectives, share from your own and celebrate our human connectedness.
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