Today I want to share with you a few simple steps that can make a world of difference in the quality of your visit with your loved one.
First, think about the time of day that works best for the person living with dementia and how you will be spending your time together... Consider factors such as daily routine, rhythm of community life and sundowning in making your choice. One husband I know likes to visit his wife after she’s taken a bath. He has found that she is bright-eyed, alert and more talkative then. A daughter of another woman prefers to come during an activity that both she and her mother can participate in together. Yet another wife prefers to visit her husband after he has participated in a morning full of engagement opportunities and doesn’t want to interfere with his involvement in community life. Keep in mind that it is different for every family and may take a few tries to get it just right.
Next, let's talk about how to leave (I get this question a lot). If you say “alright, I’m going to head home now”, you're likely to get “ok let's go home then”. The person living with dementia may not be aware that they are living in a senior community now.
Instead, try something like “I’ve got a few errands to run, so I’ll see you later”. This simple change in phrasing can help to avoid a sticky situation.
Finally, families are nervous about how to delicately end their visit without upsetting the person living with dementia. What if he tries to follow me out? What if she becomes angry or sad that I’m leaving? You get the idea. My best advice is to have a plan and discuss it with a staff member at the beginning of your visit (oftentimes a caregiver, life enrichment team member, etc). Decide on a time you would like to leave or agree on how you will let the staff member know when you’re ready. The staff are experts at redirecting the elder by inviting them to join an activity, help set the tables for a meal, take a walk, etc. You’ll be impressed with how skilled and creative they are at their jobs! I don’t recommend having your loved one walk you to the door or to your car as they will likely assume they're along for the ride.
Take a moment to reflect and assess how things went so you can make any adjustments for next time.
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